Dearest,
I recently received a lovely text from Amrita, a writer and a friend of mine:
I could immediately relate to this. I have only on a few occasions, and yes mostly as confessions, said “mo timilai saro maya garchu” or “aami tomake bhalobashi”.
The deeper thought behind this lovely random message, as Amrita later added, is that direct expressions of love in our mother tongues seem to be, “longer, more measured, and not spoken as easily in everyday conversation. It's reserved for special occasions like confessing your love to someone special.”
I love you or just love you, on the contrary, is something we say all the time.
There are two aspects to this thought: One, English with its easy verbal expression seems to give us the freedom to communicate affection. Two, our mother tongues have a love language beyond words, one that’s more intricate.
Looking at this message from Amrita (which is now a post btw), Bhavi, another wholesome human/friend/writer, sent me this:
I feel we do not say ‘love’ in our mother tongue more because it demands a certain level of sincerity. It demands a certain amount of truth. It is not only what you say but what you mean. Our mother tongue is like a paperweight under which our expression of love resides. It is not about freedom I feel because there was never a lack of freedom to express. Our conscience would not allow us to say ‘love’ without meaning it in our mother tongue.
Bhavi’s message then is pointing toward the psychology of language — it isn’t the language itself, but our emotional proximity to it that dictates how we use it to express our innermost feelings. Maybe using a language that isn’t ours to express affection, is a way of subconsciously evading responsibility in love.
Casting light on this, Deshna sent across some fantastic research material with the following insight:
It has actually been backed by research that the first language is more powerful and thus often associated with strong feelings. That's why many people use a second language to express themselves when they want to distance themselves from these strong emotions. Like during therapy, it's often observed that clients use a second language to recount their traumatic experiences. I think the same can be said for other kinds of strong emotions as well. Using the first language is basically a confession then no?
About three years ago, I wrote and recited a poem on my bond with English. This entire wholesome discussion that started with a random message seems to explain my poem to me. The whole thing has come a full circle! 😊
Dearest, I would love to know your random thoughts on the subject of language. What does being bi/multilingual mean to you? What relationship have you noticed between the languages you speak and the emotions you feel?
Please don’t worry about being right or wrong. Trust your gut to guide you on how you feel about this.
Some verses by Linda Pastan:
Why Are Your Poems so Dark?
Isn't the moon dark too,
most of the time?
And doesn't the white page
seem unfinished
without the dark stain
of alphabets?
When God demanded light,
he didn't banish darkness.
Instead he invented
ebony and crows
and that small mole
on your left cheekbone.
Or did you mean to ask
"Why are you sad so often?"
Ask the moon.
Ask what it has witnessed.
Wildflowers
You gave me dandelions.
They took our lawn
by squatters’ rights—
round suns rising
in April, soft moons
blowing away in June.
You gave me lady slippers,
bloodroot, milkweed,
trillium whose secret number
the children you gave me
tell. In the hierarchy
of flowers, the wild
rise on their stems
for naming.
Call them weeds.
I pick them as I
picked you,
for their fierce,
unruly joy.
Some tunes:
Down memory lane with Kamla Bhasin
Kamla Bhasin passed away yesterday. It’s a terribly sad day for the Sisterhood. I don’t want to tell you about Kamla, I want you to know her through her words and keep her words alive in you.
Watch her recite this powerful piece
Watch her TEDx talk (and this one too)
Rest in Power, Kamla Bhasin.
Goodness to walk away with from the nook:
Watch: The Space Between Us
Hue & Joy: Making a book at home
Mix It Up: 10-Minute Dance Workout
Get Empowered: How to Do the Work (A masterclass in the truest sense of the word)
Wondering how you can support me?
You can contribute via GPay or UPI and show The Nook some love here: riya.roy6@axisbank
or,
you can buy me a book!
See you next Sunday,
Love, Riya
Thank you for all your wonderful posts!